Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
