If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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