You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
