Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
