Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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