The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
