I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
