No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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