So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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