I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
