My room smells like vodka and shame
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
