no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
