i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
