my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
