i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
