My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
