I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
