she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
