I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
