So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
