just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
