Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
