apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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