I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
