I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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