did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
