i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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