I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
