he shaved USA in his pubs
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
