Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How's work?
Spinning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
