Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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