First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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