I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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