Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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