Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
