Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
