I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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