I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
