make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
