She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
