Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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