I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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