last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
