My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
