i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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