I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
