Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
