I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
