Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
