I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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