The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
