just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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