"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
